Friday, October 26, 2012

I Would've Remained Ignorant if It Weren't For You

I love drawing, too.

I love this blog, and it has given me a new love of writing. I really enjoy writing for myself and other people at the same time. I can't tell you the amount of times that I have come back to this site and read old posts in order to examine how I have changed and how this blog has affected my life and potentially the lives of others. Just yesterday, I went back to a blog I did earlier this year just after finishing John Green's The Fault in Our Stars. This post ended up being a runaway hit, which is a icing on the cake that is my personal love for it. I really enjoyed writing that post. When I finished rereading, I scrolled down to look at the comments and found this:
"Today I found my copy of TFiOS again, and realised I never really understood the meaning behind the front cover. So I googled, and found your write-up of the book. And then came the waterfall of tears. Maybe I'm just not a very deep thinker, or maybe I was too engrossed in the plot to realise the amount of intricacy present, but this beautiful piece of writing evoked all the memories I had of the book and more. So many feelings never felt, so many thoughts never thought. Thank you so, so much. I would've remained ignorant if it weren't for you."
 This post had a huge effect on me. Recently, I began to feel a little bit of discouragement. My grades are great and I love all of my classes, but I was beginning to have doubts that maybe I was not cut out to be a teacher. Sure, my heart is in the right place, but I am a very disorganized person and I like having too much on my plate, something long-time friends and readers already know about me. Sometimes it feels like I am fighting fate by fighting these traits I have, but usually it all works out fine and I can always overcome them and perform well in whatever it is I'm doing. Sometimes, though, I feel like my opinion does not matter or people do not see me as knowing what I'm doing when it comes to teaching. Right before I read the above comment, I was in a class where we were basically asked to come up with ways to help students achieve and get motivated. One of my ideas was literally laughed off before I could half-way explain it. I felt stupid. But it was humbling, and I think I needed it. Besides, I don't think the person who laughed at the idea meant it in an offensive way. Still, I felt that my ideas may not matter.

This anonymous comment immediately made me feel like I made a difference. Like my thoughts really do matter. Not only that, but these were thoughts I had and skills I applied that were very directly tied to teaching English. In that post, I basically gave a lecture about symbols and motifs in a work as well as describing the significance of the art on a book's cover. To think that I had actually opened someone's eyes to the value of close reading, to the value of looking under the surface of a work of art or a work of literature to find something more meaningful, is a truly powerful feeling.

I am reminded now of the notes I took in my Marching Tech class last year.
Effect is everything, and hands-down the hardest effect to have on an audience is to make them cry.

It is so wonderful that someone took the time to build me up like this, to call something I wrote beautiful, to say that it made someone cry. I honestly did not think my writing could be that important to someone. My tutoring experiences in my middle school placement have also made me feel like what I do in the world is important. I tutored math! Not only did I help young scholars arrive at the answer, they learned how to get other answers as well! Now I know the feeling Mrs. Reilly described to me once in high school. When I was first considering a major in English Education, I asked my English teachers different questions about it. I asked Mrs. Reilly what her favorite part of teaching was, and she told me that it was seeing the lights go on in students eyes... seeing it all come together in their heads.

Thank you for letting me know that I make a difference, my anonymous commenter, friends, and family.
I would've remained ignorant if it weren't for you.

1 comment:

  1. and this is exactly how you will feel teaching. no lie. best job in the world.